Saturday Tailgating, I’ve Been Having an Affair (it’s not you, it’s me)

November 6, 2013 By Tom

nothing good comes of this

Dear Saturday Tailgating,

We used to have so much in common.  Regardless of the temperament of the weather we always found a way to have fun and enjoy the company of one another.  I traveled far and wide for you.  I’ve flown across the country to watch you do your thing.  I’ve driven across the midwest in an effort to support your cause.

But we got lazy, I got older, it became easy to let the good times we had together slip away.  Instead of throwing on appropriate sexy clothes and going out to the grassy fields of tailgating lore; I found myself content on the couch watching Saturday (and Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Sunday and Monday) football on TV.  When I remodeled, I did it with the thought of justifying never needing to tailgate again when I installed two TV’s, a computer to stream ESPN3 and endless beer on tap.

It’s not that I ever stopped loving you, Saturday Tailgating, it’s just that you became like the pretty girl at the bar—fun to chase but totally self absorbed and always thinking that you could occupy all my time every Saturday for your selfish cause.

or this.

But I realize, I’ve been wrong.  I’m a big boy and I can admit it.  I was having an affair on you, Saturday Tailgating–and it’s with the exact culprit you expected, my beloved couch.  Saturday Tailgating, I guess I focused only on the bad, the cold weather, the rain, the mud, the running out of food, the need to plan properly on Friday afternoon, drunk fans and the possibility of tailgating with no-fun people who get fussy.

I came to the realization I was wrong when I finally came back to you this past Saturday down in Bloomington.  I fell in love with you all over again.  You might have broken my heart before (that time I lost my shoe in the mud puddle, or that time we forgot the ketchup for hot dogs), and I know I broke your heart by stepping out on our relationship when I began to find excuses to cuddle with my couch and lie to you on why I was doing it.

You see, Saturday Tailgating, you can never be replaced.  I might have found the couch, but it was lust and not love.  The couch might have held me tight, might have made me feel good, kept me warm, held my beer for me between the cushions, whispered sweet nothings when the cloth rubbed against my skin, but it was no replacement for you.

And the fun doesn’t end when the tailgate toss gets dark, No Ma’am, the fun keeps coming all night long.

A little Nick’s…

this is love

A little Blue Bird

I ain’t afraid of no ghost

and a little Rock and Roll

you’re adding to our relationship, Saturday Tailgate, by bringing Rod Tuffcurls into it

So, Saturday Tailgate, I’m glad we rekindled our relationship this weekend.  You still are the best.  I love you and you had me smiling Sunday morning when I woke up ready to do it all again soon.  Please forgive my cheating and adulterous ways, the big couch has nothing compared to you.