Up All Night
September 20, 2011-TH-
“Up All Night”
Blink 182
Everyone wants to call it all around our life with a better name.
Everyone falls and spins and gets up again with a friend who does the same.
Everyone lies and cheats their wants and needs and still believes their heart.
And everyone gets the chills, the kind that kills when the pain begins to start.
Let me get this straight, do you want me here?
As I struggle through each and every year.
And all these demons, they keep me up all night.
They keep me up all night.
Everyone falls and spins and gets up again with a friend who does the same.
Everyone lies and cheats their wants and needs and still believes their heart.
And everyone gets the chills, the kind that kills when the pain begins to start.
Let me get this straight, do you want me here?
As I struggle through each and every year.
And all these demons, they keep me up all night.
They keep me up all night.
My big birthday present this year was tickets to the Blink 182 concert with great seats. I’ve seen Blink 182 live a bunch of times now going back to 2001; I grew up with them playing…countless bike rides on my minidisc player (wow…going back in time), one of the first CD’s I listened too when I got my license and was driving alone, countless road trips, ect…
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| 2011 Blink 182 Concert…Awesome! |
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| 2009 Blink 182 Concert….and yes; that is a “back up” beer in my hand, don’t judge. |
To make a long story short; I saw them play in 2004 right before I graduated high school (and several times before that), they were well on their way to splitting up by then and sure enough they went on a “permanent break” around that time frame as I was leaving for college. Always figured it was somewhat symbolic with the timing, the band I grew up with going in different directions just as I packed up to leave Ohio and start college here in Indy.
Never realized how symbolic things would eventually become in a much larger scope….in September of 2008 Travis Barker (drummer for the band Blink 182) was involved in a plane crash in South Carolina when the Learjet he was in failed to execute a full takeoff. Travis and his best friend DJAM survived with serious injuries, Travis’ two close friends were killed as well as the two pilots. The following months Blink 182 decided to get back together and tour; and Lauren and I saw them in that tour just 11 months after the plane crash in August of 2009. Sadly; just a few days after we saw them play, DJAM was found dead from a mix of his pain meds from the crash and cocaine.
So; I often keep in mind the storyline of Travis Barkers’ past few years; almost killed in the plane crash, loses 2 friends in the same crash, loses his closest friend a year later related to the physical and emotional pain from the crash; and then two years later I see him playing an absolutely awesome performance (best ever that I’ve seen) on stage at peace with himself and where he finds himself the happiest; being one of the best drummers of the modern era and following his passion.
We had a great time at the concert; at first reflection I thought it was a chance for things to “be normal”; get lost in the music at a live show like I have done a hundred times before. After having the past 10 days to think and reflect; I think I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ve accepted the “new normal” of what our lives are and will continue to be. I know a lot of this has been harped and hashed around by me in the past few months as I come to grips of what the “new normal” is; but somehow since that concert last week I’ve stopped thinking of it as the “new” normal…and it’s just normal (and a welcomed feeling at that). Sometimes “living the dream” isn’t exactly the dream planned out in our minds…but as long as you’re living and putting it all on the line it’s hard to argue that it is anything but living the dream.
It’s been a little over a month since L and I were deposed; and the one thing that has been on my mind regarding the depositions we both endured were two very simple questions that we were both asked; and they’ve been on my mind for the past month as I process the relevance of them. I’m skirting the line of comfort in terms of discussion regarding the ongoing litigation; but I want you as a reader to process these questions individually and ponder the meaning behind the meaning
“What is your faith?”
I worked at a coffee shop throughout high school and the two things the owner always advised not discussing with clientele is religion and politics; and for the most part that advice is something I’ve kept tucked in my mind for the past 10 years. But…the question about faith just about floored me; I composed my answer as I sat there and pondered “why the hell does it matter if/who/what I believe in”…your client John Mavris is the reason we’re all here to begin with. Given the actions of those responsible I have a feeling that whatever “faith” I follow holds myself to higher standards than whatever they say or follow. Action over words any day….every day…..that’s what true character is; and it has nothing to do with “faith” or those that are hypocritical when they use it to pat themselves on the back.
We didn’t need the blessing of a priest or minister or whoever else to say we were “able” to get married; we didn’t need premarital counseling because we were doing it for the right reasons to begin with, and 15 months later we are a better team than ever and the bond only grows deeper every day.
“How is your marriage now?”
Really? Was the hope that I would say we’ve had nothing but rainbows, sunshine, and lollipops for the past 15 months? It’s been brutal, Hellish, and absolutely life altering. But; our marriage is stronger because of this, we were best friends the morning of our wedding and we are still best friends now….I’m married to my best friend and closest companion. The actions of Mavris and Jerry Lowery forever changed the path our marriage is on; but we’re here standing strong with our heads high…and always will be despite what life challenges us with in the long term or what the defense does in the short term to further prolong this. We’re not going anywhere; as a couple, as people, as advocates for the whole truth to be told regarding all of this…we’re here to stay.
Back to my original topic:
If you’re in the mood to enjoy the new Blink 182 song and video
The lyrics hit close to home for me; and I’m sure many others…which I find the ultimate beauty of music, you can find your own meaning within the same song as millions of others and make it personal to you.
Stay tuned over the next week or so; Lauren and I will have some big news relating to what’s coming up in our lives (and no; there is no child…or another dog involved).
Cheers (or in the words of Travis Barker… “can the drummer get some?!?”)
-th