You Can’t Force It

…Truly, you can’t.

I’ve always been able to have pretty much total control over my own destiny.  I’ve controlled my racing career, my personal life, my professional life, I’ve always made sure I had the best hand of cards and had anticipated what the dealer would be handing out next.  I’ve always made sure that things were within my control, and I’ve always struggled with the things that weren’t in my control.

And that typical operating method has _obviously_ proven to have some pretty big flaws in it as I’ve learned over the past few months.  I’ve been pretty humbled, learned some big life lessons and realized that it’s okay to not have control over certain things, even if it feels a little unnatural at first.

I think the personal life is pretty self explanatory, the professional life has been an exhausting test of patience and following the roller coaster of ups-and-downs of uncertainty.  It’s been humbling to have to take some part time work to help pay bills as I’m back to a single paycheck household.  It’s been humbling to realize I can only control what I can control, which is me.

At the same time, this isn’t doom and gloom.  I’ve been absolutely humbled with the relationships that have developed in the last few months that were totally unexpected, totally out of my control.  There have been things that have come so totally out of left field that I still can’t quite grasp how I am so fortunate to be on the receiving end of them, of the love people have shown me.

Being humbled has been a great thing for me, it’s redefined how I view and want success, stability, what loyalty truly is and what I expect in relationships when it comes to communication and passion.  A lot of what is on my plate has blended and blurred lines between professional and personal relationships, which is both complex and yet; something I don’t have direct control over.

The learning curve of life has included finding the balance between being way passive and getting steamrolled and forcing the issues at hand and causing further turmoil.

I was up a good part of the night last night stressing about everything in life and where I am.  I finally got back to sleep when I looked around and realized that I have no idea what to expect over these next months, and I’m okay with that.  I’m in a great place, I’m surrounded by love and I’m feeling good.

And Cheers to That,

-th